I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
