he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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