So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you pee in the oven last night??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
