I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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