I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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