There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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