this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
