I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
