I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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