It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
