I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
