I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize