Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How does one acquire holy water?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
