I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
