We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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