i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
