Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
