Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
