btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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