i will never coherently bang her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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