Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
