I wanna passion pit in your ass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
