You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize