I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Boobs are out for the taking
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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