I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
