dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
