I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
