Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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