Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
