U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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