by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize