you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
