i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
