Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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