Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
zippers are such a cool invention
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
