My room smells like vodka and shame
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish i was in the wii world.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
