I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
