You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
