I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
