OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she looked like the before picture.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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