omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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