We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
