Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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