very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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