I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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