Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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