So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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