he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
