They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
