i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
