i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
