Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
