apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
