im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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