Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
