youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
