capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
