I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
