I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
