belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
