I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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