My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
