the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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