please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
