Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
