we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
