Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
